To geek or not to geek?

Growing up a geek, as many of you will know, is a pain in the ass. As a kid you just don't fit in right, there are no other groups you're a natural for other than, well, those made up of other geeks. Such circles' common trait is that its members usually don't want to be there, they'd upgrade to just about anywhere else for the price of being offered the opportunity, and some do as the years pass - puberty makes jocks of bespectacled boys, bestows cleavage to shy little girls, which are easy ways out of the geek way of life.

Not everyone does make the jump. I've had friends who've spent, quite literally, decades breaking out of their own mold, trying and struggling to be something other than what it seemed they were cursed with. Some have tried music with varying degrees of success, others chased the opposite sex with single minded determination or made attempts to distill elements of art into their geekdome.

The vast majority try to somehow keep it under wraps - I still remember laughing at Nick (of The Mazablog fame) when we ate in public after visiting the local comic book store, when I'd read mine on the table and he'd keep his in those brown paper bags they gave us like they were contraband. Sure, sure, it was to 'protect the magazines' from being ruined by spilled coke or something. Uh huh!

A few select people just embraced it. It doesn't really matter of course, since being a geek isn't a choice - it's just who you are. Peel enough layers of civilization, culture and pretense and what you get is the same inner nerd you came kicking and screaming into the world with.

You know what? As time passes it's becoming increasingly evident that it's quite the blessing.  Let me count the ways.

• Professionally speaking you're far more inclined to be technologically savvy. That's a serious advantage that forever sets geeks apart from the burger-flipping crowds and, on average, offers a higher salary than the same people we often envied in our teenage years. 
• There's a very small chance you'll be outpaced by times. Even when it comes to what you're not explicitly interested in, you still get it. I'm not a photography geek but the digitalization of cameras didn't catch me by surprise. I understand hybrid cars and could debate the ways it will affect our lifestyle although I know nothing next to nothing about automobiles themselves.
• In terms of living your life, the very trappings of being geek, our tropes and ways of having fun have prepared us to excel.
  
  When I was exposed to fitness (well in my thirties) I had an epiphany at how many nerds have posted on the mindset required to improve yourself. Belonging to a group of like-minded individuals who're pulling their resources together by writing them down in organized, comprehesive ways? That's pretty familiar.
  
  Needing to understand nutrition, exercise? That sounds like a need to use search engines and wade through forum posts efficiently - but I've been doing that for years.
  
  'My body is a machine' claimed one fellow nerd, 'and I get to hack it'. Wait, hacking something I've taken the time to understand first? Oh yeah, been there.
  
  The big one: To make yourself physically better you need to grind. You need to watch what you eat on a daily basis. You need to follow repeative patterns and gain slow incremental rewards from them when you exercise. Your only confirmation is gradual change over time as you get stronger and faster one step at a time. That sounds like leveling to me. I've certainly done that!
• We are flexible in our geekiness; everything is a puzzle needing to figure out. Where I work - a research institute - I'm surrounded by system administrators who do their own plumbing, programmers who routinely fix their own water heaters. They hook up web cameras to monitor the sea waves hundreds of kilometers away to know when they should surf. Our crappy basketball team uses advanced collaboration tools to mix our schedules and figure out when we can go to practice.
  
  When we shop we don't merely walk in a store and buy whatever crap is handed to us - we do research first, we read reviews, we get opinions from like-minded nerds living continents away.
  
  When it comes to it we're the go-to people. For all that we complain about having to do computer support for our families and friends, we're needed; we don't need because we know how to do stuff, or to find out what we don't already know. We often have a holistic understanding of the world in politics, in science, even in sports.
• Finally, and this is perhaps the most important part, geeks are an international community unlike any other, recognized through their trappings. I see a guy walking across the street with a xkcd t-shirt and I know - I don't merely suspect, I'm absolutely sure - I can walk up to him and start a conversation. I've made friends just because I met them at a Magic: the Gathering store gawking at cards. I can walk into the local fantasy shop and get in a heated debate about D&D within a few minutes with people I've never met before. Or arrange to play with a group of them on Saturday night, and every Saturday night, for months to come.
  
  Sure, some of those things are duplicated in say, a sports bar during a game, but it can be argued that ultimately an obsessed around-the-clock football fan is nothing more or less than one of us, in a different field. Welcome home, brother.

I don't know what makes a geek. I wouldn't change it for anything though, and I believe I knew that ever since I was a teenager and watched with some amusement the attempts my fellows made trying to escape the destiny of forever being one.

Why would they want to?

Your body is the enemy.

Something changes once you start figuring out how fitness works. It's a bit of a paradigm shift, especially if you happen to be a thirty-something like me who's been getting random exercise through team sports throughout the years but never actually read up on what's happening behind the curtain (or, more accurately I suppose, under the skin).

So it turns out my body doesn't want me to be fit. It takes advantage of it once I am, and it sort of breaks down and dies when I'm not, but it doesn't have to like the process. See, being the product of thousands of years of evolution it doesn't really trust this western civilization thing that's been going on lately; just because I figure there won't be a drought or a lack of antelopes next week that'll mean starvation for sure it doesn't mean there won't be one, you know?

And it sort of goes from there. Processed sugars? Lots of fat? Gimme. It stores it all under the skin, this delicious fuel that can bring me out of a harsh winter in one piece. What, running? Lifting heavy things? Screw that noise. What happens in the gym is the exact opposite of what most people (myself included) thought - you don't build muscle in there, it destroy it so that it can be rebuilt - hopefully thicker and stronger - while you rest later on.

That's what it's all coming down to then. It's a battle between what my body thinks it wants and what I hope I can convince it to do. And, just like every other war, there are no dirty tricks disallowed, no trickery too base or deception too vile. You just have to do whatever it takes to win.

Take the nutritional protocol I've been following. It's called LeanGains, a form of intermittent fasting (yeah, I know, I was scratching my head too). The idea is that you intentionally alternate fasting periods in which you eat nothing with periods of heavy eating where you eat like a pig, picking mostly protein to stuff into your mouth. That tricks your system into tapping into your fat reserves every time to cover your energy needs but keeps it sustained right afterwards so it doesn't also start consuming its own muscles in panic.

Like in every war your body retaliates to these attacks you're launching against its fat deposits. Dieting will normally cause as much as 30%-40% muscle loss in normal males and 10%-20% in obese ones; you wanna lose weight? Hah. It'll eat through your lean mass at the same time, figuring it'll try to conserve that hard earned fat by wasting your far more difficult to gain physical strength instead.

Even worse so losing comes at a price. See, in a diet we lose fat and muscle at the same time as described above, but when we give up the diet for a time and put on weight again we pretty much only gain fat. So after a couple of circles of shedding pounds and putting them back on we just get weaker, with a slower metabolism making it harder to go through it again. Pah!

In the end this is a chess game - where your main weapons become information and consistency. In fact I'd say those are your only weapons, as without both understanding what it'll take for you to win and without actually having the determination to stick to it freakin' constantly, it won't work. It just won't. Your body doesn't play fair, it'll give you the munchies when you're feeling down or relaxed, it'll make you drool when you see that delicious cheesecake on a fridge shelf, it'll keep you hungry even after you've eaten more than enough for a meal.

And there are answers. Our body is a tough opponent but it does have an enormous weakness - it's really predictable. Once you know what's going on you can plan to defeat it at its own game so it can be shaped to do whatever you want from it.

For example, regular weight lifting exercise in combination with high protein intake defeats (or, well, minimizes) the lean muscle loss - victory! Treating weight loss as a maintained condition rather than a race for the summer means I don't have to deflate and expand like some ill-mannered balloon with all of its adverse effects. Understanding how to exercise means I don't just waste my time at the gym on a god-awfully boring treadmill for forty minutes or performing a hundred repetitions of some mini-weight.

Information and consistency vs thousands of years of evolution. Sure. Those are odds I'm willing to take.

Of Gaming Woes.

Although I've been sitting in front of monitors playing computer games ever since the late eighties and my one-proud Amstrad 6128, I've been recently informed by a friend that I'm no longer considered a gamer per se; that is because I don't actually play anything else than MMORPGs.

It's more or less true. With the possible exception of some really good single-player releases (Skyrim, Dragon Age, I'm looking at you, you life-stealing black hole where my evenings go to die) I've long stopped even trying out most genres let alone individual games. Gone are the days I used to try out first-person shooters or my once-beloved real time strategy zerg-a-vaganzas. No, unless I'm playing a character who gets somehow into adventures and his prowess' progress is measured in magical armor and glowing swords I simply don't bother for long.

The thing - and my plight now - is this: I'm stuck. I'm in a rut. I don't feel like playing much of anything. After years and years of continual service to World of Warcraft and assorted attempts at finding a new mistress - City of Heroes was a good try, Age of Conan came and went, Warhammer Online was great but didn't last - I thought that perhaps Bioware's latest and best would do it. Star Wars: The Old Republic was hailed by the entire industry as something of a messiah that would usher games into some mythical new age of MMORPGs' next generation.

Well, it was good. I can't find anything wrong with Star Wars. I liked the movies just fine, I've even been a good nerd and even read some of its Extended Universe {tm} books. Lightsabers are great. Sith are great. Jedi - great. The Old Republic was quite decent, I put my hours into it, I visited a bunch of alien landscapes filled with horrors and delights along with my trusty blaster and cute sidekick companion in a tight outfit. By all means I ought to be hooked by now, addicted and surgically attached to my mouse trying to preserve my sanity and sleep patterns as they both slipped away from my feeble grasp.

However... Well, however that's not what happened. Yesterday I even got an automated e-mail by Bioware letting me know that 'Mako misses me' - she's the cute sidekick mentioned above - since I haven't been on in a week or more. And they're right, poor Mako is right, I haven't.

By all means I can't blame this on the game. I don't think I'd be playing much more if I was still on WoW, either. And experience has taught me in the way experience only gives you insights after you've been burned by their absence several times in the past, that when everything else remains the same and your reaction is different, that what has changed is yourself.

It's not the games that are less fun. To some bright eyed lad coming into the massively multiplayer scene right now I'm sure the industry could do no wrong by him; that not-so imaginary person would invariably become as hooked to the experience as I was. That I haven't simply means it's not what I'm looking for right now.

Of course it's not the first time this has happened. I've burned out on gaming before and stayed away for months at a time. It's usually been some sort of event that gets me back, such as the launch of a brand new expansion and/or friends of mine making a guild and offering me vast virtual riches and complicated looking armor sets in exchange for every single minute of free time I have. But not even such lush propositions seem to catch my eye these days.

A rut. And if I don't play MMORPGs, given that I don't really play anything else, what on earth does that leave me with?

What is left of my identity when so much that is geeky and good has melted away? Brr!

Choosing your poison

When it comes to choosing a way to improve yourself it seems the world of fitness is swarmed with different directions to take. Dozens of diets, hundreds of self-help books, promising products on the shelves, gym signs around every corner all screaming 'pick me, pick MEEEE!'.

The thing is, a whole lot of that bunch is downright unworkable. And I don't mean the obvious scams that anyone with a bare minimum of common sense should be able to figure out for themselves - you know the ones, the ab-rollers, the slim corsets and the super special pills based on whatever fad some hot chick is telling you about on TV. That those won't work should be obvious to anyone, if not for any other reason then simply because if it was that easy then everyone would be doing it and there'd be no need for other methods of getting fit.

No, what I mean is that a lot of those diet and nutrition plans seem aimed for people who have no other concern in their lives than what to eat next. It's not that they are bad per se, or that they aren't healthy or even that they won't work; I'm pretty sure that they are fine, and if you follow them to the letter then even a couch-o-saurus will be able to shed extra pounds at a regular pace.

The problem with them is that unless your life is being ran like a well oiled machine then you simply won't be able to follow them for long. You'll have to cheat, and it won't be necessarily be because you got the munchies or lacked the will to do it.

Take one of the most often dietary plans out there - calculating your daily calories for maintenance (i.e. the bare minimum that you consume, what your body needs just to exist) and take a portion of those while feeding yourself every two to three hours. Let's go over that again. You need to eat while you're awake every two to three hours, which comes down to five or six meals a day, half of which span the time you're at work.

In order to achieve this you'd need to spend a portion of your time the evening before every single day calculating what you'll be putting in all those meals (because good luck finding a cafeteria whose snacks aren't going to be packed with processed ingredients and too many calories to fit in all those meals), put them in plastic containers, figure out where to store them the next morning, then keep it all in your head while trying to keep your boss, clients, coworkers happy and every other ball you got in the air going.

Are there people who can do this? Absolutely. Am I one of them? Well, not if I have a choice.

It turns out I do (have a choice that is), but I'm just ranting here because there's a whole industry that recognizes all this and capitalizes on it. No time to pack all those lunches HUH. Well. Well, well. Why don't you buy these protein bars from us? Why don't you get these pre-packed meals we'll deliver at work? I'm pretty amazed at how every single one of those companies insists, advertises and pushes in your face all these products that try to make you think the one true way of having a healthy nutrition goes exclusively through them.

The thing is, homo sapiens have been around for a few thousand years now. I'm pretty sure my ancestors didn't restrict themselves on eating no carbs, I'm damn sure they didn't eat every couple of hours and I'm pretty damn certain they had to be pretty fit in order to take down their meals at the end of speartips every day.

So that's my rule of thumb for anything I do: It has to be doable (a diet is absolutely useless if I won't do it) and it has to follow even a wide definition of common sense.

Humankind wasn't created yesterday. Diets were.

Confusion: The price of getting back on your feet.

One of the problems of growing older is that your body starts presenting you with problems to which you never really had to look for solutions before. You're inexperienced in how to deal with them and they conflict with whatever goals you set for yourself later in life.

At the ripe age of 31 I started having lower back pains; as time passed they became more persistent and frequent, so I figured the way to be rid of them was to train my body, shed some extra weight and make sure what caused them simply ceased to exist.

That's all well and good but it turns out that's not how it works; just because you get more fit it doesn't mean the injuries and issues caused by decades of eating badly and sitting in front of a computer suddenly go away. In fact - in my case but, as I found out, in a sizable portion of the population - they never will actually disappear. My only choice is to improve my muscular system so it can aid and handle the burden from those so the chance of being hurt is lower. That's it. Barring surgery, that's the best I can do.

The thing is though, there's a certain chain of chain and effect that's pretty convoluted here. Things I'd love to do that can and will strengthen the muscles I need stronger are also what can endanger them. The same exercises that would boost the endurance and flexibility of my lower back also put it at risk, so I found myself in this game of cat and mouse where going too far would go precisely against what I'm putting a lot of time and effort into achieving in the first place.

Physical therapists and personal trainers are sort of on your side on this but each from a different point of view, using experiences and advice they've seen work on different kinds of people. It appears that a lot of what I had expected to be fundamentals in these fields are, let's say, still contested; the same kind of long term injury for example - let's say knee pains - leads one therapist to strongly advise against doing barbell squats while others mandate exactly that as the means to fix the issue.

Who is right? I sure don't know, this is all news to me! I've never been in my mid-thirties before with a lower back hernia. These people are supposed to be the professionals who (presumably) see this all the time and can tell me what to do and what to avoid.

And yet that's not at all how it is, as apparently it all goes into some deep argument about what the human body is made for - my current therapist for instance, a very capable and young professional at that, insists that the homo sapiens aren't meant to lift heavy weights over their heads, so we (healthy and otherwise) had better train with body weight exercises only.

If these capable, knowledgeable folks still haven't figured it out after years of specialized study and work experience what are the chances I'll be able to do so on the fly while experimenting on the single specimen at my disposal - myself - given that I only get a pretty limited number of chances if I screw it all up?

Anyway. Damn you, computer armchair! I put my faith in you and this is how you repay me, with self doubt and overall confusion. You looked so sleek and friendly on the brochure. Shame on you.

Let's try this again, shall we?

It occurred to me today that I have been lax in documenting a lot of things about what I do and why. This will doubtlessly be spectacularly uninteresting for most people, as it should be; my trials and efforts are neither unique nor particularly inspiring to anyone outside my own head.

However I feel it's important that the thoughts are present in some form regardless. The number of issues I care about isn't that varied either but they do exist, and I'd like to - at least - be able to read back and have a feel of how I felt about them back in the day once I'm in my flying car going to my job over at the moon base at some distant point in the future.

That, and I'm curious to see if I can get into blogging. Who knows!